Frightening, overwhelming thoughts

The thoughts are normally so confusing and complicated
I don't know who I am anymore.

One moment I'm so certain I know myself, and the next.. I'm not.

Sometimes I discover new layers beneath me,
hiding so well beneath my emotions.

I really don't know who I am, what I'm doing,
what I'll be thinking next, why I'm doing certain things.

I can be so simple-minded and childish at times ("high" moments),
and completely opposite at other times. (which is most of the time)

There are so many sides to me (some very contradictory),
and ALL of them show who I am.

It's scary that I'm not putting on a facade at all, yet when I think deeper, I can actually find reasons to prove they're layers I put over myself. But how, when I don't even know I'm putting on these layers? Or am I thinking too much?


I confide in nobody else but this blog,
what most hear from me, merely ranting.

Even when I'm sharing my thoughts, there isn't enough time,
and when I'm alone again I start to think otherwise.
The rare few times when I really get to share, I'm thankful for.

Always bottling up, giving myself solutions to my own problems,
convinced they're right solutions but sometimes not.


Why am I so open when it comes to this blog everybody can read,
this blog which holds so much of my personal thoughts.

Yet I'll deliberately build barriers around myself in real life?
Or maybe it's more of being extremely selective.

Why have I become so unfriendly and unwilling to speak,
besides those who I think can understand me?
(I was never like that in the past)

Why do I try so hard to understand some people,
when I know they're exactly like me,
and we can never understand each other deeply.


For once, I'm tired of expressing myself.
I just want somebody to tell me who I really am.